Empty

To borrow a title from Dooce, but I couldn't think of a more fitting title. In early January I found out I was pregnant. We were very excited. As a nurse I have stats on miscarriages running through the back of my head, but as we approached 8 weeks, I felt that we had made it through the last 2 months and we were so excited and started to tell people.

I had my first doctor's appointment at 10 weeks. So far I had some uncomfortable symptoms of pregnancy, but nothing to miserable and I was excited to be nearing the end of my first trimester. We had started looking around at cribs and making plans. We would have a September baby and a 3 month old at Christmas. It would be my parent's first grandchild and Mr. M's mother's 15th.

Mr. M. came with me to my appointment. I knew at 10 weeks we should hear a heartbeat and we were excited to hear it together. The doctor couldn't find a heartbeat with the Doppler, but that is not unusual, so we went over to have an ultrasound. There is no heartbeat. It appears that the baby stopped developing at 6 weeks, but my body still thought I was pregnant. I choose to induce a miscarriage this weekend. And now it feels so empty.

It is empty, but not without hope. I am still so blessed. I have a wonderful husband, I have supportive friends and family. Both my husband and me have secure jobs, we have a church where we are engaged in and comfort in a sovereign God who knows our pain.

Our church building

Our church building is a classic building that is peaceful both inside and out. It looks better in the summer, but the snow lends it its own charm. Sorry for all the pictures, bear with me as I am playing with my new camera.

New Camera

For Christmas I was given a Nikon D60 as a gift from my wonderful husband. Here are some of pictures I have taken. I am still learning. These pictures did not load in the order I wanted them to, but I am to tired to figure out why.

Some winter berries in the neighborhood around my church.