Catch up

I apologize for my lack of posting the last few weeks. It has been crazy. I was in Dallas for a week, came back on a Tuesday at midnight. My grandmother died Saturday (as I was working the 3rd of 3 days). I was back on a plane Tuesday for the funeral on Wednesday and came back Thursday. So that has been my crazy life.

It has been so fast and crazy that I haven't had a whole lot of time to process it. I think the hardest part of this is watching my grandad. I called him two days ago to see how he is doing. He talked about how lonely the house is, but he can now walk by her picture without crying, so he thought that was some improvement.

They were married for 64 years and really liked each other the whole time. The week I visited my grandmother, she told me that they still danced in the kitchen sometimes, but it was harder to do these days.

Before the funeral my gandad gave me her watch. I remember looking at it ticking away and thinking how wrong it seemed that her life stopped and her watch kept ticking away. The only time life seems offensive is when there is death and it seems wrong that the rest of the world is full of life.

But what is really wrong is that we die. We weren't created to carve out just a few short years, or to die. We were created to live. Really live. I hate it when people say things like "it was his time" or "God needed another angel" or "it was meant to be." Because none of that is true. We are broken, our world we live in is broken. What really happens is that the place we live and the brokenness in us caught up with us.

I have seen a lot of dead bodies and many people die in my profession. Death is a vile and ugly thing. There is nothing graceful, peaceful or beautiful about it. We can sugar coat it, but it is what it is. We pretend that it's the way the world is supposed to work because we don't know anything better. But inside each of us is a reminder that there is supposed to be something different because when we hear of a death we treat it like it is wrong that it happened. When children die in a tragic accident or shooting, it is wrong. And though we accept it more easily, an older person dying is just as wrong.

I think that Bebo Norman's song Rita says it best. I have always liked this song's take on death. It is true, we live on a killing floor. I could not find a video, so I am posting the lyrics. It is a beautiful song, and I am sure you can find it on the web if you look hard enough.

Lay down softly in our sorrow
Lay down sister to die
And cover over, my sweet Father
Cover over her eyes

Your broken body, it cannot weather
The years your youth still longs to spend
So go down graceful, sleep with the angels
And wake up whole again

Cause it was not your time; that's a useless line
A fallen world took your life

But the God that sometimes can't be found
Will wrap Himself around you
So lay down, sister, lay down

Slower passing are the hours
To tell this tale that takes its time
But the finest moment, no man can measure
Is to look your Savior in the eyes

So take her tender to Your table
Take her from this killing floor
To taste the water that is forever
Let her be thirsty no more

It was not her time; that's a useless line
A fallen world took her life

But the God that sometimes can't be found
Will wrap Himself around you
So lay down, sister, lay down

And the God that sometimes can't be found
Will wrap Himself around you
So lay down, Rita, lay down