I used to read a Garrison Keller weekly advice column called "Mr. Blue" on salon.com. He doesn't write it anymore, but I found it interesting at the time. About half of the letters had to do with writing and the other half with relationships. I didn't really appreciate the writing ones because it was mostly cloud in the sky kind of stuff.

The relationship ones had a formula. Here is how they went: Dear Mr. Blue, I am a somewhere between 20 to 35 male or female who has been living with or married to someone for somewhere between 2 to 7 years. At first things were great and I could barely function because I was so into this person. Now I don't feel that way. I still really care about them, but I don't feel like I want to throw up when I am around them, so I must not be in love anymore. There is this guy or girl at work that causes me to have butterflies when they are around, so I must be in love with them. Should I dump my faithful spouse and pursue my true love?

The sad thing is I don't think that most of these people were always looking for an escape. I think a lot of them believed that's what love is. Because of their limited view, they are destined to have a shallow love.

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I met a man recently who has been married for 63 years. His wife is failing in her mind and he is afraid that she will soon forget who he is. He goes and feeds her every day and can barely talk about her without crying. He recounted how they met, decided to get married and had lived a full life with children and grandchildren. I couldn't help thinking how silly these letters sounded when you look at this old man's relationship. He probably doesn't look at his wife who needs his help to eat and think "What a hottie! I feel all woozy around her; therefore I must be in love."

He is in love, because he does what it takes to love someone. He looks after her best interest, even when she is beyond knowing the difference. He was willing to do the hard and difficult things it takes to make a marriage and love last a lifetime. Real passion is not having butterflies and a wild night every time you see each other, real passion is getting up in the morning and going to work because you love your spouse and want to provide for your family. Real passion is loving your spouse even when you don't feel like it. Real passion is washing the dishes when neither of you feels like doing it.

Don't get me wrong, I am not knocking the butterflies and the fun parts of love, I am just pointing out that true love encompasses so much more.

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Part of what got me thinking about this is a recent review of "The Nativity" that I read in Slate.com. Now I haven't seen the movie and have no idea how bad or good it might be. What struck me is the reviewer wishing the Mary and Joseph would get in a huge fight on the way to Bethlehem. Now I understand the desire for a little action and I would be the first to say that Bible stories do not usually make for movies. But there is something that the reviewer is missing. She is missing the real passion between Mary and Joseph.

It is generally agreed that Mary was probably widowed fairly early. There is no record of Joseph after Jesus is age 12. Much of the information about Joseph probably comes from Mary, such as when Luke interviewed her for his gospel. In Matthew, Joseph is described as a righteous man. One of the examples of his righteousness is that upon finding out that his fiancée is with child, he doesn't haul her out to the center of town to condemn her. He doesn't pitch a public fit, but plans to end the engagement privately so as to cause her as little embarrassment as possible. (Hmmm, is that still an example of righteousness, but I digress.)

He cares for Mary's well being at the cost of his pride. Joseph marries a pregnant woman at the command of an angel and then doesn't sleep with her until she gives birth. Hard core there. (An interesting contrast to Zacharias in the gospel of Luke, who is told that he will father a child, Zacharias doubts, and then has to spend the next 9 months mute.)

Then to top it all off, Joseph at the command of an angel has to flee his nation, land, home and business to protect some kid that isn't even his. There is no record of Joseph complaining. I am sure that he had his doubts and worries, but the point is what he did in spite of them. He got up in the middle of the night to protect his family. He settled in an out of the way place to protect his family. He got up every morning and worked to provided for his family. He knows what love is and he does it. I think Mary made sure that the world remembered him. Their passion was one of day to day hardship, but that got up and did it all over again every day regardless. I would wish that for all of us.