Empty

To borrow a title from Dooce, but I couldn't think of a more fitting title. In early January I found out I was pregnant. We were very excited. As a nurse I have stats on miscarriages running through the back of my head, but as we approached 8 weeks, I felt that we had made it through the last 2 months and we were so excited and started to tell people.

I had my first doctor's appointment at 10 weeks. So far I had some uncomfortable symptoms of pregnancy, but nothing to miserable and I was excited to be nearing the end of my first trimester. We had started looking around at cribs and making plans. We would have a September baby and a 3 month old at Christmas. It would be my parent's first grandchild and Mr. M's mother's 15th.

Mr. M. came with me to my appointment. I knew at 10 weeks we should hear a heartbeat and we were excited to hear it together. The doctor couldn't find a heartbeat with the Doppler, but that is not unusual, so we went over to have an ultrasound. There is no heartbeat. It appears that the baby stopped developing at 6 weeks, but my body still thought I was pregnant. I choose to induce a miscarriage this weekend. And now it feels so empty.

It is empty, but not without hope. I am still so blessed. I have a wonderful husband, I have supportive friends and family. Both my husband and me have secure jobs, we have a church where we are engaged in and comfort in a sovereign God who knows our pain.

Our church building

Our church building is a classic building that is peaceful both inside and out. It looks better in the summer, but the snow lends it its own charm. Sorry for all the pictures, bear with me as I am playing with my new camera.

New Camera

For Christmas I was given a Nikon D60 as a gift from my wonderful husband. Here are some of pictures I have taken. I am still learning. These pictures did not load in the order I wanted them to, but I am to tired to figure out why.

Some winter berries in the neighborhood around my church.

More summer thoughts

This summer, Mr M and I went on a medium (but very uphill hike) where I whined about so much uphill. But I am really glad that we went.

For starters, I have a picture of Mr. M with a good smile.

And once we got uphill a ways, it was a wonderful view (I bet that lake is frozen now).

And we finally reached the grand waterfall (that is an icicle now)

where Mr. M refilled his water bottle. I do not approve of drinking untreated water myself, but he wanted to risk giardia.

As we were resting, a little visitor came our way,

and marched right up to our backpack. Hmmm, I think people have been feeding him.

Other things to do in summer...

Since I am trying to focus my mind on warmer times and not on the -8 F weather, shall we look at some pictures from a happier time? Mr. M's mum and niece came to visit this summer.

Look! I am wearing shorts! Shorts! And Mr. M's mum is wearing carpis. How I long for those days.

We hiked a trail that leads to a lake (original I know, but worth the effort). As you get closer, the view teases you from behind the trees.

Then you sit on the edge of the lake and check out the driftwood. And the million dollar view.

Your husband decides to take pictures of you staring at mountain walls.

And you attempt to get a picture of your husband where he is somewhat smiling. And then you see it just as you are getting ready to leave. Something you have heard about, but never seen.

A bear!

Which is fortunately far away, but makes it difficult to get a good picture due to the safe distance between me and the black bear.

Warm thoughts

So I am updating. So much has happened in my little life, I am not totally without excuse. Since my last post I have moved, a relative died, visited Dallas, visited Austin, and worked a bunch of hours.

And right now it is about -8 degrees. But let's not think about that. Turn up the heat and pretend we are somewhere else or some other time perhaps. Like say summer. Say that you were to come visit me in say Sept, like my friend R.

We could go to Glacier, which is only about half an hour from my house.

We could see baby deer and take this picture to prove how close we are. Hi, R! (I know that it is a fawn, but baby deer is so much more fun to say.)

This is really cool, another deer (not the baby mama) came over and the the baby deer got in a submissive position. I am still not quite sure what that is all about.

Are you ready for your closeup little one with sweet spots?

Here is the baby deer with the baby mama. Stay warm you two!

This just in...

The Missouri flooded in June. Yes for those of you that did not know that. For those of you who live in a cave and don't watch the news or check it online, I have pictures of the flood in Kansas.

In Attichison Kansas there is this cute park by the river.

Except the park was flooding.

This is really a huge tree floating down the river.

Oh, look a bridge that goes across the river.

Here is the kicker. See the train tracks that appear to be only 6 inches above that water? I am not talking about the upper set. The low ones! Trains were still crossing on that bridge! This did freak me out a bit, but I wasn't on the trains so I just went back the my hotel.

Way back in June...

I was in my friend S F's wedding. Hence the reason I had posted prairie pictures a few months ago. I was driving across Kansas to be in her wedding. S and I have been friends since we met in eighth grade. She moved a couple of years after we met, but we have always managed to maintain our friendship. (Even after A&M beat Nebraska our freshman years, ending Nebraska's 3 year winning streak. But, hey, I barely remember that day.)

Here we are all grown up the day before.

Here is S opening all the tacky things that every bride needs that bridesmaids supply.

She got really good at bossing us bridesmaids around.

Probably because we needed bossen. If she wasn't watching us, we were running off to Sonic to enjoy cherry limeades. It was a warm day. I don't have any actual pictures of the wedding because it is generally frowned upon for bridesmaids to snap pictures during the ceremony, but it was quite lovely, I assure you.

Ah, ha, a picture of the groom! Might I add that he made the groom's cake, that beautiful chocolate thing at the bottom of the picture. What a guy!

That's my mom and me looking good in black.

More wedding fun...

but then we got cold and warmed ourselves by the hand dryer in the bathroom. See we needed more bossing around.

Ahem, I would like to thank Mrs. S for choosing black bridesmaids dresses, because I looked quite nice in this one. And S's dress rocked! (Because we all know that that's what a wedding is all about.)

Well, then again, maybe it does have something to do with true love and all that jazz. Congrats to my friend S. You make a beautiful bride and wife.

Friends

I have been lucky enough to have 2 dear friends come visit me the last 2 weeks. Rachel L came out for a few days and then Mrs. Juicebox made an appearance. It was so fun to have them here. We hiked, watched HGTV, ate deserts, ate some more, read books and had great conversation. I miss them dearly. Sigh. I managed not to cry when I put Mrs. Juicebox on the plane this afternoon, so to reward myself, I bought a kitchen aid stand mixer in Empire Red. I still might cry, maybe I will make some bread instead.

And now I am on call all weekend. Please, Lord, don't let the pager go nuts.

Very belated...

Way back in May, Mr M and I packed up our things and moved across town. We are now farther away from our jobs and no longer have a garage, but we do have 3 important things:

1) No more mold. I knew we had mold, but I had no idea how bad it was until we moved and I found it everywhere! I have not been sick since we moved.

2) No more navy blue carpet that everything shows up on. I never thought I would be so happy to live around beige in my whole life.

3) We have a dishwasher! Now when our friends come over they ask us how it is living the high life with a dishwasher, and I have to say, "Life is good!"

Here are some belated pictures of our new place:

Starting by the front door, here is our dining area that is also part of the kitchen.

Here is the kitchen, note the dishwasher!
Here is our comfy living room. I have no idea why I did not fix the pillows before taking pictures.
Don't you like our wedding pictures all up in a row? I love them. So does Mrs. Juicebox, she kept looking at them when she was here.
Our blue bathroom.
Our room.
Our garage sale dresser we spent a weekend painting. It really brightens up a room.
We now have a guest bathroom. I may have overdone the white. But if anyone visits, you don't have to share with us!
Last, but not least, is the guest bedroom for those of you who want to plan a vacation up our way. It has a Serta mattress and I am assured by several people that it is a very comfortable bed.

Driving across Kansas

I was recently in a wedding in Kansas, and I drove from Dallas across Eastern Kansas and most of the flint hills. I was reminded why I like the prairie. It feels like home.

I think I have figured out a way to describe the difference between the Rockies and the prairie. See where I live is surrounded by harsh mountains of rock and trees that are pointed with pointy leaves. The environment is strong like a man and designed for self defense.
But the prairie is like a woman, her soft grass invites you to run, and her trees invite you to climb. She doesn't restrict your view of the sky or feel the need to surround you. Though she has a temper that appears during tornado season.
She invites you to play and wander. There are few thorns or sharp plants.
And you feel that if you could run fast enough at sunset you might reach the sun. It's not blocked by a mountain.